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Locked treasures beneath the tree  you are the one....ive been waiting for!!!! can you really hate a person this much? I HATE her! I dont wish bad upon her, but i hate her!!!! She sits on her pedestal looking down at me! Im glad that the ugliest loser in the world decided to marry you, so you could feel better about your fat sad lonely self. Finally someone to make you feel better about yourself after a lifetime of rejection and alienation because of your ugly disgusting self. I think the part that makes me the most sad and upset is that you could choose him over me even though i was there through everything for you! When you wrote army guy for four years, so much that he built this beautiful picture of you and then when he saw you he decided "ugh" and married the girl he was dating before he left to the army. I was there when Michael continuously made you feel small and would flaunt his girlfriend in your face even though he knew how madly in love with him you were and when he would give you false hope over and over. I was there while you made a fool of yourself over and over again by writing letters to guys expressing your sad pathetic connection you felt towards them, and they had never even met you before. Finally, when i need you most, you have to have to obey your husband like a dog would his master and deny me the simplest favor. Well, i hope hes there for you next time your down, because i am done with you. i wash my hands of your sad and pathetic being. I despise you. You are nothing to me anymore. Se' la Vi. Fuck yourself! spit on you. I hate you. I dont want to pretend to know you. , or you me. Current mood:  infuriated.
........................................ Current mood:  cynical.
my head hurts...right above the left eye, next to the eyebrow. :( it feels like something is trying to escape from my skull! maybe its more thoughts! in other news....:) i kinda wish i had some more LJ friends! But i love my 2 friends even though only Mikey talks to me! Current mood:  full.Current music: Taylor Swift. okay. so why cant people just be honest? seriously. If you would just come out and say...i really dont want to be your friend...i just want an occasional fuck...at least i would know what i was getting myself into. RADICAL HONESTY!!!! i specifically bring it up so that the person knows that i like to be told upfront about things and not surprised by the next random whore who comes along and say i ruined her life by messing around with the love of her life! I know that im kind of everywhere at this point in my life. I used to only document and express my "whore"iffic moments. Now, i document and memorialize the tragedy that follow the sleepless nights. i read books and listen to sad songs from 15-20 year olds who have absolutely no idea what i am going through. And the best part is that everytime something crappy like this happens, i think i am the only one it has ever happened to and i think that i am the only one who knows what it feels like and the world should stop for me. - Side note- i wish i would have tried harder in my typing class. without looking, this is how what i just wrote would look. -see below- sode m-te= o wosj o w[old have troed jarder om ,y tu[omh v;ass. wiyhpit lookijnf, this is hpw wjay i jusr wotew wpild lppk. -sww belpw.- no lie! i think ill make that my goal for 09! BETTER TYPING SKILLS!!!!No Chicken Plucking! Current mood:  uncomfortable.
I get so mad at my Dad sometimes. "Remember who your parents are" "Remember where you come from" I hate that bullshit. Its like saying continue to be a fucking loser poor ass Mexican. I remember where I'm from. Just because I have dreams that don't include being a fucking poor ass teacher or a damn house keeper/ babysitter doesnt mean im forgetting where im from. I understand that some people are okay with their lifestyle, but just because it isnt mine doesnt mean im wrong ugh i just want to scream. MAYBE if my parents would have though before having 4 fucking kids, then i wouldnt have to hear that fucking speech every two minutes. Im not even asking them for anything and they tell me the whole "you dont know how bad it hurts when you ask for things you know we cant give you." IM NOT ASKING!!!! ive worked my fucking way through college! thanks for the 20 when you dropped me off!!!! i promise ill pay you back! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Current mood: annoyed.Current music: Brighteyes. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 5 days and counting! Current mood:  lazy.
She is running A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction She is trying But the canyon's ever widening In the depths of her cold heart So she sets out on another misadventure just to find She's another two years older And she's three more steps behind Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see? Or does anybody even know she's going down today Under the shadow of our steeple With all the lost and lonely people Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see? She is yearning For shelter and affection That she never found at home She is searching For a hero to ride in To ride in and save the day And in walks her prince charming And he knows just what to say Momentary lapse of reason And she gives herself away Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see? Or does anybody even know she's going down today Under the shadow of our steeple With all the lost and lonely people Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see? If judgment looms under every steeple If lofty glances from lofty people Can't see past her scarlet letter And we've never even met her If judgment looms under every steeple If lofty glances from lofty people Can't see past her scarlet letter And we've never even met her If Judgment looms under every steeple If lofty glances from lofty people Can't see past her scarlet letter And we've never even met her Never even met her Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see? Or does anybody even know she's going down today Under the shadow of our steeple With all the lost and lonely people Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see? (Does anybody See?) Does anybody even know she's going down today? Under the shadow of our steeple (shadow of her steeple) With all the lost and lonely people (Lost and Lonely people) Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see? He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction Current mood:  nauseated.
He is dating another girl. He could do that with me and tell me all this bullshit and then the next day start a relationship with someone else. I dont get it! I knew better. I am so much smarter than this. I automatically want to start looking at myself and try to fix what is wrong with me. I start making excuses for him and blaming myself. The truth is that he is just a complete asshole. He didn't and will not ever deserve me. The worst part is that he got me. He got all of me. I let someone feel like they could have that power over me and that is really the only thing that crushes me deep inside. I almost feel violated. I am a grown up though. i make my own decisions and even though this opened my heart and broke it apart, its okay. Life goes on. I will get over this. I really wish i wouldn't have steered so far away from my faith. I believe in so much, and I have stopped. I let my guard down and I got hurt. I'm not saying its bad to try something, but I really wasn't smart about this. Now I am just another statistic. I really hate him. He is a liar...and the worst kind....the nice ones. The ones that get away with it because they aren't as vocal about it. I am so sad. No. Just Numb. :( Current mood:  numb.
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